It seems our little Sarah is so fucked up she can't even keep a fetus from flinging itself out of her uterus to get away from her.
You'd think, with all the Xanax pumping through her body, it would have been too relaxed to give a shit that she is evil, but I guess not.
Maybe she just had a seizure and it shook out. It's ghost is probably going to start "stalking" her now...LOL
I'm gonna say it's a blessing, since the world doesn't need a baby that looks like this:
<br><img style="width: 408px; height: 306px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v339/grumblefluff/l_a4fabf20ba7907f9311edf8685a651d8x.jpg"><br>
Ugh, you know she'd even put it in overalls.
<br><br>It's probably wrong that her recent loss makes me happy, but fuck the bitch,
she deserves every horrible thing that could ever happen to her. <br>
Thursday, April 12, 2012
The Torrid Tale of the Toxic Womb and the Fetus who Fled
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Another repost of a Myspace blog, since the hubby likes to delete them...LOL
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, we got out in the snow today, and it sucked. The sidewalks are gone, the road is sloshy, and it's fucking cold out. I have short legs so the huge unavoidable snowplowed piles are crotch-deep on me and it was a pain in the hiney to get anywhere. But, we saw fat squirrels and an even fatter cardinal at mom's work, we mailed off the Xbox to get repaired, we had a nice lunch at the Union, and we topped it off with a tumble in our heated bed..so it all worked out okay.
We just had pizza, Josh visited for awhile, and now Chuck is watching Man vs. Wild with the kiddos. It's been very pleasant hanging out with them, but I won't watch that show now that I know Bear Grylls named his newborn son Huckleberry.
Yes, Huckleberry.
Huckleberry Edward Jocelyne Grylls.
That poor child is going to have to study his father's show just to make it through middle school. Of course, he has an older brother named Marmaduke, so maybe it won't be so bad and then they can get together with Kal-El Cage and Banjo Griffiths and have a playdate.
Okay, the Sarah reference...since I know that's really why you came.
So, I was on my way to our heated bed, via my badass bathtub, and I was pondering the whole divorce thing, as usual. I was mentally listing his indiscretions for later use, when we talk about it, and I realized something that I need to put down on "paper" here so I can analyze it further later. I'll make it quick, since it's boring and then we can get onto talking about cupcakes, because they are so much happier.
Chuck has ejected himself from our relationship a million and a half times (roughly..LOL). He prefers to leave me so he's not actually "fucking around" on me.
He left me for Wendy the Waitress (I think her name was Wendy)after 1 day
He left me for Erin the Idiot after about 2 weeks
He left me for Tena the Crackwhore after 1.5 months
He left me for Bonnie the Hillbilly after about 3 months.
There's more, but you get the point, he fucks other bitches and leaves quickly.
Sarah, by her own account, fucked Chuck for over a year. He didn't leave me for her. He had plenty of chances. I was up in his shit all the time, We were at each others throats, I nearly booted him in May over the "Rochelle Incident" (he hadn't sealed the deal with that one yet, so he begged me to stay), I tried to beat him to death with a chair after he threw a vacuum at me, etc. and so on. If he'd left I wouldn't even have questioned why, but he didn't.
So, he broke up with me for the Waitress, the Crackwhore pulled it off, the Idiot managed to get him, the Hillbilly worked it out, fuck, even some nameless bitch at a Halloween party in '99 made him reconsider staying with me, but Sarah couldn't do it?
Why? She was obviously desperate enough. His sister told me about how she called out there 20 times a day, and she told Melissa all about how she was going to let him stay home and not work while she earned their living and took care of him and they were going to have kids, blahblahblah. His parents liked her, she was willing to bear his child, he'd never have to worry about her fucking around on him because she's not pretty, he wouldn't have to work. It should have been everything he ever dreamed of, but she couldn't pull it off? I don't get it.
Oh well, it's something to think about I guess.
Okay...Cupcakes!
I lovelovelove cupcakes, and they are so trendy right now that I see them everywhere, and everyone knows the bestest ones come from the Magnolia Bakery in NY.
I was appeasing myself with Duncan Hines box mixes and Cherry Frosting from a can until my cyber-friend, Pinky, sent me the actual Magnolia recipe. She says they come out just like the bakery ones, and she knows because she goes there frequently (Lucky Bitch...LOL) Anyway, I haven't made them yet (maybe tomorrow) but I thought I'd share the recipe with you in case you wanted to try it.
CupCakes:
* 1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
* 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
* 2 cups sugar
* 4 large eggs, at room temperature
* 1 cup milk
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* ICING: * Vanilla Buttercream (recipe follows) or Chocolate Buttercream
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Line two 12-cup muffin tins with cupcake papers.
3. In a small bowl, combine the flours. Set aside.
4. In a large bowl, on the medium speed of an electric mixer, cream the butter until smooth. Add the sugar gradually and beat until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the dry ingredients in three parts, alternating with the milk and vanilla. With each addition, beat until the ingredients are incorporated but do not overbeat. Using a rubber spatula, scrape down the batter in the bowl to make sure the ingredients are well blended. Carefully spoon the batter into the cupcake liners, filling them about three-quarters full. Bake for 20–25 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted in the center of the cupcake comes out clean.
5. Cool the cupcakes in the tins for 15 minutes. Remove from the tins and cool completely on a wire rack before icing.
At the bakery we ice the cupcakes with either Vanilla Buttercream or
Chocolate Buttercream.
Note: If you would like to make a layer cake
instead of cupcakes, divide the batter between two 9-inch round cake
pans and bake the layers for 30-40 minutes.
Frosting:
The vanilla buttercream we use at the bakery is technically not a buttercream but actually an old-fashioned confectioners’ sugar and butter frosting. Be sure to beat the icing for the amount of time called for in the recipe to achieve the desired creamy texture. Makes enough for one 2-layer 9-inch cake or 2 dozen cupcakes*
* 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
* 6 to 8 cups confectioners’ sugar
* 1/2 cup milk
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Place the butter in a large mixing bowl. Add 4 cups of the sugar and then the milk and vanilla. On the medium speed of an electric mixer, beat until smooth and creamy, about 3-5 minutes. Gradually add the remaining sugar, 1 cup at a time, beating well after each addition (about 2 minutes), until the icing is thick enough to be of good spreading consistency. You may not need to add all of the sugar. If desired, add a few drops of food coloring and mix thoroughly. (Use and store the icing at room temperature because icing will set if chilled.) Icing can be stored in an airtight container for up to 3 days.
*Note: If you are icing a 3-layer cake, use the following recipe proportions: 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter 8 to 10 cups confectioners’ sugar 3/4 cup milk 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
If you make them, drop me a line to let me know how yours came out.
Okay, Man vs. Wild is over, so I'm gonna go hang out with the family
What are you doing this weekend?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, we got out in the snow today, and it sucked. The sidewalks are gone, the road is sloshy, and it's fucking cold out. I have short legs so the huge unavoidable snowplowed piles are crotch-deep on me and it was a pain in the hiney to get anywhere. But, we saw fat squirrels and an even fatter cardinal at mom's work, we mailed off the Xbox to get repaired, we had a nice lunch at the Union, and we topped it off with a tumble in our heated bed..so it all worked out okay.
We just had pizza, Josh visited for awhile, and now Chuck is watching Man vs. Wild with the kiddos. It's been very pleasant hanging out with them, but I won't watch that show now that I know Bear Grylls named his newborn son Huckleberry.
Yes, Huckleberry.
Huckleberry Edward Jocelyne Grylls.
That poor child is going to have to study his father's show just to make it through middle school. Of course, he has an older brother named Marmaduke, so maybe it won't be so bad and then they can get together with Kal-El Cage and Banjo Griffiths and have a playdate.
Okay, the Sarah reference...since I know that's really why you came.
So, I was on my way to our heated bed, via my badass bathtub, and I was pondering the whole divorce thing, as usual. I was mentally listing his indiscretions for later use, when we talk about it, and I realized something that I need to put down on "paper" here so I can analyze it further later. I'll make it quick, since it's boring and then we can get onto talking about cupcakes, because they are so much happier.
Chuck has ejected himself from our relationship a million and a half times (roughly..LOL). He prefers to leave me so he's not actually "fucking around" on me.
He left me for Wendy the Waitress (I think her name was Wendy)after 1 day
He left me for Erin the Idiot after about 2 weeks
He left me for Tena the Crackwhore after 1.5 months
He left me for Bonnie the Hillbilly after about 3 months.
There's more, but you get the point, he fucks other bitches and leaves quickly.
Sarah, by her own account, fucked Chuck for over a year. He didn't leave me for her. He had plenty of chances. I was up in his shit all the time, We were at each others throats, I nearly booted him in May over the "Rochelle Incident" (he hadn't sealed the deal with that one yet, so he begged me to stay), I tried to beat him to death with a chair after he threw a vacuum at me, etc. and so on. If he'd left I wouldn't even have questioned why, but he didn't.
So, he broke up with me for the Waitress, the Crackwhore pulled it off, the Idiot managed to get him, the Hillbilly worked it out, fuck, even some nameless bitch at a Halloween party in '99 made him reconsider staying with me, but Sarah couldn't do it?
Why? She was obviously desperate enough. His sister told me about how she called out there 20 times a day, and she told Melissa all about how she was going to let him stay home and not work while she earned their living and took care of him and they were going to have kids, blahblahblah. His parents liked her, she was willing to bear his child, he'd never have to worry about her fucking around on him because she's not pretty, he wouldn't have to work. It should have been everything he ever dreamed of, but she couldn't pull it off? I don't get it.
Oh well, it's something to think about I guess.
Okay...Cupcakes!
I lovelovelove cupcakes, and they are so trendy right now that I see them everywhere, and everyone knows the bestest ones come from the Magnolia Bakery in NY.
I was appeasing myself with Duncan Hines box mixes and Cherry Frosting from a can until my cyber-friend, Pinky, sent me the actual Magnolia recipe. She says they come out just like the bakery ones, and she knows because she goes there frequently (Lucky Bitch...LOL) Anyway, I haven't made them yet (maybe tomorrow) but I thought I'd share the recipe with you in case you wanted to try it.
CupCakes:
* 1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
* 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
* 2 cups sugar
* 4 large eggs, at room temperature
* 1 cup milk
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* ICING: * Vanilla Buttercream (recipe follows) or Chocolate Buttercream
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Line two 12-cup muffin tins with cupcake papers.
3. In a small bowl, combine the flours. Set aside.
4. In a large bowl, on the medium speed of an electric mixer, cream the butter until smooth. Add the sugar gradually and beat until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the dry ingredients in three parts, alternating with the milk and vanilla. With each addition, beat until the ingredients are incorporated but do not overbeat. Using a rubber spatula, scrape down the batter in the bowl to make sure the ingredients are well blended. Carefully spoon the batter into the cupcake liners, filling them about three-quarters full. Bake for 20–25 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted in the center of the cupcake comes out clean.
5. Cool the cupcakes in the tins for 15 minutes. Remove from the tins and cool completely on a wire rack before icing.
At the bakery we ice the cupcakes with either Vanilla Buttercream or
Chocolate Buttercream.
Note: If you would like to make a layer cake
instead of cupcakes, divide the batter between two 9-inch round cake
pans and bake the layers for 30-40 minutes.
Frosting:
The vanilla buttercream we use at the bakery is technically not a buttercream but actually an old-fashioned confectioners’ sugar and butter frosting. Be sure to beat the icing for the amount of time called for in the recipe to achieve the desired creamy texture. Makes enough for one 2-layer 9-inch cake or 2 dozen cupcakes*
* 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
* 6 to 8 cups confectioners’ sugar
* 1/2 cup milk
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Place the butter in a large mixing bowl. Add 4 cups of the sugar and then the milk and vanilla. On the medium speed of an electric mixer, beat until smooth and creamy, about 3-5 minutes. Gradually add the remaining sugar, 1 cup at a time, beating well after each addition (about 2 minutes), until the icing is thick enough to be of good spreading consistency. You may not need to add all of the sugar. If desired, add a few drops of food coloring and mix thoroughly. (Use and store the icing at room temperature because icing will set if chilled.) Icing can be stored in an airtight container for up to 3 days.
*Note: If you are icing a 3-layer cake, use the following recipe proportions: 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter 8 to 10 cups confectioners’ sugar 3/4 cup milk 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
If you make them, drop me a line to let me know how yours came out.
Okay, Man vs. Wild is over, so I'm gonna go hang out with the family
What are you doing this weekend?
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Copy of MySpace blog
Shit is still disappearing off the other blog, so I am copying this here for posterity.
_________________________________________________________________
Christ, I hate to waste anymore of my blog space on this moron, but I feel like I need to, just this once.
Sarah sure does love to play the little "stalker victim"
She loves to tell people how I'm stalking and harassing her online, and I mean everyone who will listen. Blah blah cunt, blah blah stalker, blah blah fat, blah blah "heffer" (her "boyfriend's" spelling, not mine). She loves crying to her "friends" about how I made fun of her "miscarriage". She loves playing the victim more than anyone I know.
She also loves to brag about how she "fucked Chuck for a year" and how proud of herself she is about it. (I don't know that she fucked him "for a year", I doubt it, highly, since there was hardly anytime he was alone in the house or away from the house without me, but whatever, it's not like I'd put it past him anyway.)
Is that really something to be so proud of, and what the fuck did I ever do to her to deserve the wrath she laid on me before I ever even knew who the hell she was.
I didn't know who she was when she added me as a friend on here and on MyYearbook.
I didn't know who she was when she was chatting me up and wishing me happy birthday.
I didn't know who she was when she was putting up pictures of my husband on her MySpace. I just thought she was putting them up because she knew him from school.
I hadn't done anything to her when I playfully asked this girl who was my "friend" if that was pics of my husband she had up and she responded by suggesting I commit suicide, blocking me, and using my name to stir shit up with people I barely knew.
She jumped on me like a fly on ca-ca, and I never did anything to her, she was just so excited she managed to work something up with my husband she couldn't help herself.
So yeah, I make fun of her empty womb, and her crazy eyebrows, and those stupid overalls
And yeah, I've wished bad things on her like extremely painful but slow killing cancer, baldness, total paralysis with full awareness, infected anal fissures, just enough oxygen loss to cause retardation, gang-rape by hobo clowns, getting sucked into a wood-chipper feet first so she can enjoy the ride, genital warts, Ebola virus, food poisoning, more seizures, more migraines, more miscarriages, fatal miscalculation of her Xanax dosage, more of her friends killing themselves where she would find them (it's not like she'd be quick enough to save them, only to cut them down!), being dragged off by a rabid timber wolf, herpes, Dingo takes her baby, poltergeists, tsunami, Fibromyalgia, land mine amputation, and being buried alive. (There's probably more, but I don't want to seem bitter...LOL)
The sad thing is though, that all of these would just bring her more sympathy, and she loves the attention. She's probably having an orgasm right now reading about how I spent enough time on her to think about all that stuff I wrote above.
In the end, she's just sad and attention starved, and that's probably why she was so pleased about the whole Chuck thing, whatever it was. She got to roll in and "save" him from his shitty marriage, and buddy up to his parents, and seem better than me for one tiny moment. That moment has passed.
Now, she's lowered herself to making up a boyfriend, and using him to play internet games that no real man would ever play.
BTW...Really, is he that much of a drama queen himself that he would jump into an internet girl-fight?
That he would beg MySpace people to block me in futile hope of getting me deleted.
That he would call me whining about how I said mean stuff on MySpace? (We all have guy friends who will make a call for us, that is not proof that he exists)
That he would send her prissy comments like "I can't wait till I'm in your arms and looking in your eyes and I know everything's okay again"? (Ugh, I hope he's fictional, if not he's a simpering super-pussy.)
If you're gonna make a man up, at least make it believable enough that your own friends will fall for it, or at least make him a MAN and not a wussy drama queen. Eww.
I'd much rather have a philandering junkie than a whiny baby, and I'm not all that hip on the philandering junkie.
But I digress.
So, she's pathetic and I'm exhausted and it probably needs to end. No amount of blocking is going to get me gone, and my life will go on whether she wants it to or not. I'm going to have good days and bad days and days where I'm bitter and angry and days when I don't think about her at all and it's all part of it.
But, this will be the last bit of energy I put into this.
She's 2000 miles away and I have a family and a life to tend to, so unless she wants to bring her big, stupid, HeeHaw overall'd ass to my house and really get down to it, there's really nothing more to be done here.
Bring it on Bitch, or drop it, I'm done.
_________________________________________________________________
Christ, I hate to waste anymore of my blog space on this moron, but I feel like I need to, just this once.
Sarah sure does love to play the little "stalker victim"
She loves to tell people how I'm stalking and harassing her online, and I mean everyone who will listen. Blah blah cunt, blah blah stalker, blah blah fat, blah blah "heffer" (her "boyfriend's" spelling, not mine). She loves crying to her "friends" about how I made fun of her "miscarriage". She loves playing the victim more than anyone I know.
She also loves to brag about how she "fucked Chuck for a year" and how proud of herself she is about it. (I don't know that she fucked him "for a year", I doubt it, highly, since there was hardly anytime he was alone in the house or away from the house without me, but whatever, it's not like I'd put it past him anyway.)
Is that really something to be so proud of, and what the fuck did I ever do to her to deserve the wrath she laid on me before I ever even knew who the hell she was.
I didn't know who she was when she added me as a friend on here and on MyYearbook.
I didn't know who she was when she was chatting me up and wishing me happy birthday.
I didn't know who she was when she was putting up pictures of my husband on her MySpace. I just thought she was putting them up because she knew him from school.
I hadn't done anything to her when I playfully asked this girl who was my "friend" if that was pics of my husband she had up and she responded by suggesting I commit suicide, blocking me, and using my name to stir shit up with people I barely knew.
She jumped on me like a fly on ca-ca, and I never did anything to her, she was just so excited she managed to work something up with my husband she couldn't help herself.
So yeah, I make fun of her empty womb, and her crazy eyebrows, and those stupid overalls
And yeah, I've wished bad things on her like extremely painful but slow killing cancer, baldness, total paralysis with full awareness, infected anal fissures, just enough oxygen loss to cause retardation, gang-rape by hobo clowns, getting sucked into a wood-chipper feet first so she can enjoy the ride, genital warts, Ebola virus, food poisoning, more seizures, more migraines, more miscarriages, fatal miscalculation of her Xanax dosage, more of her friends killing themselves where she would find them (it's not like she'd be quick enough to save them, only to cut them down!), being dragged off by a rabid timber wolf, herpes, Dingo takes her baby, poltergeists, tsunami, Fibromyalgia, land mine amputation, and being buried alive. (There's probably more, but I don't want to seem bitter...LOL)
The sad thing is though, that all of these would just bring her more sympathy, and she loves the attention. She's probably having an orgasm right now reading about how I spent enough time on her to think about all that stuff I wrote above.
In the end, she's just sad and attention starved, and that's probably why she was so pleased about the whole Chuck thing, whatever it was. She got to roll in and "save" him from his shitty marriage, and buddy up to his parents, and seem better than me for one tiny moment. That moment has passed.
Now, she's lowered herself to making up a boyfriend, and using him to play internet games that no real man would ever play.
BTW...Really, is he that much of a drama queen himself that he would jump into an internet girl-fight?
That he would beg MySpace people to block me in futile hope of getting me deleted.
That he would call me whining about how I said mean stuff on MySpace? (We all have guy friends who will make a call for us, that is not proof that he exists)
That he would send her prissy comments like "I can't wait till I'm in your arms and looking in your eyes and I know everything's okay again"? (Ugh, I hope he's fictional, if not he's a simpering super-pussy.)
If you're gonna make a man up, at least make it believable enough that your own friends will fall for it, or at least make him a MAN and not a wussy drama queen. Eww.
I'd much rather have a philandering junkie than a whiny baby, and I'm not all that hip on the philandering junkie.
But I digress.
So, she's pathetic and I'm exhausted and it probably needs to end. No amount of blocking is going to get me gone, and my life will go on whether she wants it to or not. I'm going to have good days and bad days and days where I'm bitter and angry and days when I don't think about her at all and it's all part of it.
But, this will be the last bit of energy I put into this.
She's 2000 miles away and I have a family and a life to tend to, so unless she wants to bring her big, stupid, HeeHaw overall'd ass to my house and really get down to it, there's really nothing more to be done here.
Bring it on Bitch, or drop it, I'm done.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
So, yeah...
I know I said I was ending my marriage, but I didn't really expound on that and maybe I should, since it's weighing pretty heavy on me right now and I just need to talk about it.
I love Chuck very much, more than myself, even.
I gave him everything I had, everything I was, and he destroyed it bit by bit. It was like every time he betrayed me, every time he lied to me, every time he lied to other women about me, every time he hurt me physically to take the focus off his dalliances, I lost another part of myself. Like it was layers he was just peeling off until all I had left was the most basic foundation of who I am, and then he started chipping away on that too, and when I realized it, I knew I had to do something about it.
I was never the kind of woman who would let a man hit her. I was never the kind of woman who would allow herself to be made a fool of. I was strong, and I would have rather been alone for a million years than let someone do to me the things he has done to me, and I am ashamed of myself for letting this unfold as it has.
Chuck wasn't just satisfied with knowledge that he broke me. He had to tell me just one more lie. The lie about how he and his father were getting a smell out of his mom's car. Well, that was the last excuse. It started out he was gong to see his other kid, then he wasn't coming over because I was boring, then after those didn't work, it was the car thing. He was unreachable all that night, then showed up the next day telling me he "lost' $100. It was so stupid, probably a cover up for his big "break-up with Bonnie" thing, but it nailed the fucking coffin shut on this shit once and for all. I made him give me an equal amount of cash to what he "lost", and he didn't even argue about it like he should have. (guilt maybe?)
By the time he showed up here, I had already started shutting it off with him. I told him as much and that if he wanted to come home, he should probably do it while I still wanted him to. He came home the next weekend, and things aren't too bad, but I'm done.
I feel like I have to protect this little bit of myself at all costs or lose it completely, and that the only way I can do that is to get my shit together and get out while I still know who I am.
I was talking to Angie not long ago, and I was telling her how Chuck asked me if I still loved him like I used to and I replied "No, how could I, I'm not even the same fucking person anymore" She said she thought I was still the same person, I was just coming back into myself after hiding it for so long. I think she's right, and I think my true self is pretty righteously pissed off, but it's cool...I do my best work when I'm 20 kinds of pissed off...LOL
So yeah....I go to work every day, in my little Wendy's costume, and I do mindless stupid shit for several hours every day and I don't even care. Every second I spend doing that now, is a second I can spend in the future not feeling ashamed of myself, and every dollar I earn there is a dollar I didn't earn by selling a piece of my soul, and every step I take in my slip-resistant Shoes for Crews is a step towards myself as I should be.
Any Questions?
I love Chuck very much, more than myself, even.
I gave him everything I had, everything I was, and he destroyed it bit by bit. It was like every time he betrayed me, every time he lied to me, every time he lied to other women about me, every time he hurt me physically to take the focus off his dalliances, I lost another part of myself. Like it was layers he was just peeling off until all I had left was the most basic foundation of who I am, and then he started chipping away on that too, and when I realized it, I knew I had to do something about it.
I was never the kind of woman who would let a man hit her. I was never the kind of woman who would allow herself to be made a fool of. I was strong, and I would have rather been alone for a million years than let someone do to me the things he has done to me, and I am ashamed of myself for letting this unfold as it has.
Chuck wasn't just satisfied with knowledge that he broke me. He had to tell me just one more lie. The lie about how he and his father were getting a smell out of his mom's car. Well, that was the last excuse. It started out he was gong to see his other kid, then he wasn't coming over because I was boring, then after those didn't work, it was the car thing. He was unreachable all that night, then showed up the next day telling me he "lost' $100. It was so stupid, probably a cover up for his big "break-up with Bonnie" thing, but it nailed the fucking coffin shut on this shit once and for all. I made him give me an equal amount of cash to what he "lost", and he didn't even argue about it like he should have. (guilt maybe?)
By the time he showed up here, I had already started shutting it off with him. I told him as much and that if he wanted to come home, he should probably do it while I still wanted him to. He came home the next weekend, and things aren't too bad, but I'm done.
I feel like I have to protect this little bit of myself at all costs or lose it completely, and that the only way I can do that is to get my shit together and get out while I still know who I am.
I was talking to Angie not long ago, and I was telling her how Chuck asked me if I still loved him like I used to and I replied "No, how could I, I'm not even the same fucking person anymore" She said she thought I was still the same person, I was just coming back into myself after hiding it for so long. I think she's right, and I think my true self is pretty righteously pissed off, but it's cool...I do my best work when I'm 20 kinds of pissed off...LOL
So yeah....I go to work every day, in my little Wendy's costume, and I do mindless stupid shit for several hours every day and I don't even care. Every second I spend doing that now, is a second I can spend in the future not feeling ashamed of myself, and every dollar I earn there is a dollar I didn't earn by selling a piece of my soul, and every step I take in my slip-resistant Shoes for Crews is a step towards myself as I should be.
Any Questions?
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Bitch Venting, Idle Death Threats, and White-Hot Terror
So yeah, I'm feeling a little..um...vile..this evening.
It might just be the crazies creeping up, as they so often do, and dragging me into that dark place where conscience isn't an issue, or it might be something else altogether, I haven't really taken the time to analyze it that hard yet.
But I've been thinking about things,and I haven't really come to any conclusion, but here is some of the randomness that has been going through my head today. It may come off as disconnected, but I'll put it together eventually, or discard it, I just need to write it down, so take it for what it is, Bitch Venting, and don't make a federal case out of it. Seriously.
1: My husband and the impending end of my marriage
I'm being really darling as of late.
I'm getting his food, and washing his back, and doing his laundry, and taking care of the house affairs, etc. I'm letting him think all is well and that he is back in my fair graces. I am making myself integral to his lifestyle.
But soon, shortly after the first of the year, I'm going to crush him like a bug.
I want revenge. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me. I want him to lie on the floor of a dark room and beg the powers that be to kill him. I want it to be all encompassing and black. I want his grief to be thick and I want it to swallow him whole.
I don't feel good about it. I know I should be gracious and turn the other cheek and forgive and forget, and blah blah blah....knowledge and emotion are two very different animals.
2: Sarah
Her CPS threats have me a little concerned.
Not that they will come and take Conner away. He's almost 16, and obviously not endangered in any way.
No, it's more about what I will do, should they drop in for a chat as a result of her screeching.
I have a few dollars at my disposal, and I will most certainly use them to board the first plane to Tuscon I can, after they leave my home, and I will put that bitch in a hole in the desert where she belongs, and I will most certainly go to jail for a very long time, in a state very far away.
Her ending will not be quick, or tidy, and she will go to hell knowing I sent her there.
3. Wayne
Someone stepped up to my register yesterday that seemed familiar at first. The more he spoke, the clearer it became that it was none other than Wayne. He was asking for some food to make up for a botched order, or something. I can't really tell you because once I realized it was him, I couldn't hear anything but my own heartbeat. It was the same kind of white-hot fear one would experience if face-to-face with a monster, because I was.
He recognized me, of course, and my horror, and he loved it. As he was telling his tale to the manager, he turned, removed his sunglasses, and smiled at me. It was not a kind smile. My legs went wobbly and if I'd had to pee, I'm sure I'd have soiled myself.
My fight or flight kicked in, and I wanted to run, but I couldn't. He was between me and the doors and my legs were jello-y, and I'd have never made it. That sounds really dumb, but it's exactly how I felt at the time. I couldn't breathe, I was terrified.
I went as quickly as I could over to another area, where my manager asked me to help prepare his order. Between my Lamaze-like breathing to keep me from passing out, I explained that I could not, but that I wasn't able to explain why, and that I would be in the back room until he was well out of the area. She took one look at me and didn't argue. I am so thankful for that.
I honestly thought I was done dealing with this. I hadn't really thought of him in years.
It's such a contradiction to the whole thing with Sarah too. I wouldn't think twice about doing some really psycho shit to her, but the mere sight of Wayne and suddenly I'm the victim in a horror movie that can't scream or run because she is pretty sure these are her last minutes on earth and they are going to be very very painful.
The hunter or the prey?
The hunter AND the prey.
Maybe it was just God reminding me that every time Chuck puts his hands on me in anger, it could go there and that I need to get out. Maybe it was the powers that be letting me know I was getting too big for my britches, and I need to chill.
I don't know, it just really scared the shit out of me.
It might just be the crazies creeping up, as they so often do, and dragging me into that dark place where conscience isn't an issue, or it might be something else altogether, I haven't really taken the time to analyze it that hard yet.
But I've been thinking about things,and I haven't really come to any conclusion, but here is some of the randomness that has been going through my head today. It may come off as disconnected, but I'll put it together eventually, or discard it, I just need to write it down, so take it for what it is, Bitch Venting, and don't make a federal case out of it. Seriously.
1: My husband and the impending end of my marriage
I'm being really darling as of late.
I'm getting his food, and washing his back, and doing his laundry, and taking care of the house affairs, etc. I'm letting him think all is well and that he is back in my fair graces. I am making myself integral to his lifestyle.
But soon, shortly after the first of the year, I'm going to crush him like a bug.
I want revenge. I want to hurt him like he has hurt me. I want him to lie on the floor of a dark room and beg the powers that be to kill him. I want it to be all encompassing and black. I want his grief to be thick and I want it to swallow him whole.
I don't feel good about it. I know I should be gracious and turn the other cheek and forgive and forget, and blah blah blah....knowledge and emotion are two very different animals.
2: Sarah
Her CPS threats have me a little concerned.
Not that they will come and take Conner away. He's almost 16, and obviously not endangered in any way.
No, it's more about what I will do, should they drop in for a chat as a result of her screeching.
I have a few dollars at my disposal, and I will most certainly use them to board the first plane to Tuscon I can, after they leave my home, and I will put that bitch in a hole in the desert where she belongs, and I will most certainly go to jail for a very long time, in a state very far away.
Her ending will not be quick, or tidy, and she will go to hell knowing I sent her there.
3. Wayne
Someone stepped up to my register yesterday that seemed familiar at first. The more he spoke, the clearer it became that it was none other than Wayne. He was asking for some food to make up for a botched order, or something. I can't really tell you because once I realized it was him, I couldn't hear anything but my own heartbeat. It was the same kind of white-hot fear one would experience if face-to-face with a monster, because I was.
He recognized me, of course, and my horror, and he loved it. As he was telling his tale to the manager, he turned, removed his sunglasses, and smiled at me. It was not a kind smile. My legs went wobbly and if I'd had to pee, I'm sure I'd have soiled myself.
My fight or flight kicked in, and I wanted to run, but I couldn't. He was between me and the doors and my legs were jello-y, and I'd have never made it. That sounds really dumb, but it's exactly how I felt at the time. I couldn't breathe, I was terrified.
I went as quickly as I could over to another area, where my manager asked me to help prepare his order. Between my Lamaze-like breathing to keep me from passing out, I explained that I could not, but that I wasn't able to explain why, and that I would be in the back room until he was well out of the area. She took one look at me and didn't argue. I am so thankful for that.
I honestly thought I was done dealing with this. I hadn't really thought of him in years.
It's such a contradiction to the whole thing with Sarah too. I wouldn't think twice about doing some really psycho shit to her, but the mere sight of Wayne and suddenly I'm the victim in a horror movie that can't scream or run because she is pretty sure these are her last minutes on earth and they are going to be very very painful.
The hunter or the prey?
The hunter AND the prey.
Maybe it was just God reminding me that every time Chuck puts his hands on me in anger, it could go there and that I need to get out. Maybe it was the powers that be letting me know I was getting too big for my britches, and I need to chill.
I don't know, it just really scared the shit out of me.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
The question is will Tom like it?
I made a picture in response to Ms. Joachim's "Can of Wup Ass" default on MySpace, but I'm not sure if it possibly crosses the line. I'm actually just not sure if "Tom" will find it offensive and remove it, and I am not all about losing my MySpace to her (constant) whining to the powers that be about me. I'd love some input before I throw caution to the wind and use it as my default, so let me know what you think about it.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Repost from MySpace #1
So, some of my blog postings at MySpace have disappeared.
I don't know if Tom did it, or if someone else did, but no worries, I can totally re-create them here, and I was going to move them here anyway so it just saves me a step.
Here's the funniest one, drawn from notes the whore and her little friend sent me:
Freaking Christ
I was going to leave it alone, like I said a week ago, but she can't stand not having my full attention so she had to stir things up again.
First, I get a phone call from her "boyfriend", the intention of which was apparently to introduce himself, call me a cunt, and hang up.
Then she writes me a letter from her "Small's" account, then her little friend LouLou Bunny wrote me a note. Since they are both cowards and won't let me respond privately, I will do it here.
First, the letter from Sarah. Her parts are bold, my responses are italic.
1st. You are a pussy for using Mycles page to stir shit.
WTF?
2nd. Just cuz hes proud to be white, doesnt mean he hates
other races. Dumbass.
WTF? Again. Good for him. Who are we talking about again?
Whyd ya change your pic to a pumpkin?? Same shape but smaller??
And this weight u dropped, well, it found ya.
I actually just changed it because it's Halloween, a smart person would have been able to figure that out.
Also, 300lbs - 60 lbs = still fat, but the accomplishment is not diminished. It's a work in progress, but it's going quite well, and at the end of it I'll be thin and you'll still be a whore with a dead baby.
I suggest you leave Sarah alone, or CLEAN HOUSE!
Why do you talk in the 3rd person sometimes and then in the 1st person the rest of the time? Also my house is tidy, thank you, I have company coming this week.
Im pretty sure CPS would be QUITE interested to know
the lifestyle u and Chuck lead.
Sounds like someone is just jealous no one can call CPS on her because her baby is Chunky Soup (Eats Like A Meal!)
Also, tsk tsk, Conner? has had a phone in his name. LANDLINE....naughty naughty
Not recently, but yes he did. He also had a number of other other utilities in his name as was necessary at various times to keep him from going without his basic needs being met. You would know that you do what you have to do when you have kids if you could ever manage to bear one.
I know shit too bitch. Chuck and Sarah FUCKED for over a year b4 u found out !! Did he tell ya that?? Also, he BEGGED me to come home to him.
I said I was finishing my other degree. If you are so blissfully happy, why A YEAR LATER are u fixated on me??
Again with the changing narrative, pick one and try to stick to it.
Good for you, you fucked my husband, (you and 12-14 other people in the last 10 years) Did you want a cookie or something? Your story has changed considerably, though. As I understand, you were fully planning on moving back to Bloomington shortly before Christmas 2008 to be with him before you found out he hooked up with Bonnie and then came home with me. Plus, it's not like you have to live in AZ to take correspondence courses, and we have a Wal-Mart pharmacy you could work in here.
I'm not fixated on you, I had left it alone, I posted a blog to that effect and you couldn't stand it, so who's fixated on whom now?
Bonnie not have internet??
Your son, job? and drug using hubby not enough??
Bonnie has internet, but I left her alone too, I think she might be even more retarded than you are.
Don't forget, you wanted my junkie husband bad enough to suggest that I off myself just so you could have him scot-free, even though he was "begging" you to be with him.
Also, my son's name is Conner, not job.
I remember the blogs about his family u wrote.
His family is fully aware of how I feel about them, I just can't keep my mouth shut about how they are all hillbilly child-molesters and enablers, who lie about everything that comes out of their mouths.
Ive kept printed copies of EVERYTHING you have said, my lawyer has a copy, and its called harassment, and its NOT taken lightly.
I am so happy that you have kept printed copies of every piece of useless drivel I've ever posted on the internet like some paranoid conspiracy theorist. The environment thanks you too.
So unless you wanna be so busy trying to keep your son, and your family together, find a new hobby.
Test me, and find out.
CPS is a bitch to get out of, and you will BOTH piss dirty.
I know Chuck does heroin, and he has told me that you have too.
First: Chuck and I both have jobs that random test now, so what you call chicken is no longer on our menu. Our blood tests clean too, and hair tests would prove it has been awhile. Can you say the same?
Second: Who the hell can afford Heroin? I'm not saying we never did a line or 2 in the past, but it was years ago, in recreational levels, and gifted to us, not a regular thing. Seriously, have you ever seen a fat junkie?
So, the choice is yours. Im pretty sure, honestly, if Chuck or his dad knew u were doing this shit, itd be stopped or he'd leave your fat lazy sorry ass again.
Chuck is standing behind me, snickering at you.
I'm sure his dad would love to hear from you though, please call him and let him know.
Im so glad mines faithful, and DRUGFREE :)
Imaginary men are frequently perfect
Think about what I said, because I WILL do it, and I HAVE enough to do it according to my lawyer.
Rest Well, I know its hard to maneuver those walmart scooters.
All the other random capitalization and you dropped the ball on capitalizing and hyphenating Wal-Mart?
___________________________________________________________________
Then I got a lovely note from her friend LouLou Bunny. My response is below.
___________________________________________________________________
Reguarding your blog
I want to start by telling you that it must take one sick and unhappy individual to even make the remarks you did concerning anyones miscarriages. Sarah never tried to take your man he kept calling her and actually begged her not leave bloomington. Chuck told her that he was through with you and wanted to finally be happy... I guess he is still not because Sarah left even with Chuck begging her not to. So there he was left behind and had only you to go back to. She is a far better person than you would even know. My suggestion to you is that you need to stop acting so fucking childish I mean it's nobody's fault that you could not keep your man at home without him looking for happiness elsewhere. I happened to hear the conversations of Chuck telling her how unhappy he was with you. He honestly wanted to be with Sarah, that is not her fault he is unhappy with his marriage. Why else would Chuck bring her into his home while you were not there. GROW UP AND ACT YOUR AGE!!!!!! You are not a teen any longer my dear!!! There are plenty of good people that Love and Care for Sarah so you don't need to be acting like you know so much when you don't. If you have any problem with me writing this to you.... well to freaking bad get back with if you feel the need but you know what I am saying is true!!!!!!!
I don't know you, and I don't care what you think of me, but I'm bored, so I'll play the game
Yes, I am a sick sick bitch. I am not only thrilled that Sarah had a miscarriage, but I hope that every bad, horrible thing that could ever happen to her does.
I don't doubt that Chuck begged her to be with him. He hates to be alone, and he wouldn't want to lose a sure thing. But she befriended me on MySpace
and MyYearbook for the sole purpose of rejoicing in my anger and
sadness over the problems in my marriage. She had already won, if her
story holds water, but she still sent me an email suggesting I commit
suicide so they could be together. She still stirred up shit with other
people (my in-laws, Jen and Duane, etc) as a last ditch effort when she realized she was on her way out of the picture. She still threatened to
have her little band of "Pirate Hooker" whores kick my ass if I went to Roosters, or even to my job at the union. All of that was for naught,
if she was that confident he wanted her.
Little Miss "far better person" is a pretty sick bitch her own damn self
if she can do all that and still play the victim, dontcha think?
Congratulations on falling right into her trap though. She's not smart
enough to defend herself, so she has to get her little friends to do it for
her. Good for you on being her pawn on our little game.
Lastly, regardless (from you subject line) is spelled thusly.
Love,
Rachel
I don't know if Tom did it, or if someone else did, but no worries, I can totally re-create them here, and I was going to move them here anyway so it just saves me a step.
Here's the funniest one, drawn from notes the whore and her little friend sent me:
Freaking Christ
I was going to leave it alone, like I said a week ago, but she can't stand not having my full attention so she had to stir things up again.
First, I get a phone call from her "boyfriend", the intention of which was apparently to introduce himself, call me a cunt, and hang up.
Then she writes me a letter from her "Small's" account, then her little friend LouLou Bunny wrote me a note. Since they are both cowards and won't let me respond privately, I will do it here.
First, the letter from Sarah. Her parts are bold, my responses are italic.
1st. You are a pussy for using Mycles page to stir shit.
WTF?
2nd. Just cuz hes proud to be white, doesnt mean he hates
other races. Dumbass.
WTF? Again. Good for him. Who are we talking about again?
Whyd ya change your pic to a pumpkin?? Same shape but smaller??
And this weight u dropped, well, it found ya.
I actually just changed it because it's Halloween, a smart person would have been able to figure that out.
Also, 300lbs - 60 lbs = still fat, but the accomplishment is not diminished. It's a work in progress, but it's going quite well, and at the end of it I'll be thin and you'll still be a whore with a dead baby.
I suggest you leave Sarah alone, or CLEAN HOUSE!
Why do you talk in the 3rd person sometimes and then in the 1st person the rest of the time? Also my house is tidy, thank you, I have company coming this week.
Im pretty sure CPS would be QUITE interested to know
the lifestyle u and Chuck lead.
Sounds like someone is just jealous no one can call CPS on her because her baby is Chunky Soup (Eats Like A Meal!)
Also, tsk tsk, Conner? has had a phone in his name. LANDLINE....naughty naughty
Not recently, but yes he did. He also had a number of other other utilities in his name as was necessary at various times to keep him from going without his basic needs being met. You would know that you do what you have to do when you have kids if you could ever manage to bear one.
I know shit too bitch. Chuck and Sarah FUCKED for over a year b4 u found out !! Did he tell ya that?? Also, he BEGGED me to come home to him.
I said I was finishing my other degree. If you are so blissfully happy, why A YEAR LATER are u fixated on me??
Again with the changing narrative, pick one and try to stick to it.
Good for you, you fucked my husband, (you and 12-14 other people in the last 10 years) Did you want a cookie or something? Your story has changed considerably, though. As I understand, you were fully planning on moving back to Bloomington shortly before Christmas 2008 to be with him before you found out he hooked up with Bonnie and then came home with me. Plus, it's not like you have to live in AZ to take correspondence courses, and we have a Wal-Mart pharmacy you could work in here.
I'm not fixated on you, I had left it alone, I posted a blog to that effect and you couldn't stand it, so who's fixated on whom now?
Bonnie not have internet??
Your son, job? and drug using hubby not enough??
Bonnie has internet, but I left her alone too, I think she might be even more retarded than you are.
Don't forget, you wanted my junkie husband bad enough to suggest that I off myself just so you could have him scot-free, even though he was "begging" you to be with him.
Also, my son's name is Conner, not job.
I remember the blogs about his family u wrote.
His family is fully aware of how I feel about them, I just can't keep my mouth shut about how they are all hillbilly child-molesters and enablers, who lie about everything that comes out of their mouths.
Ive kept printed copies of EVERYTHING you have said, my lawyer has a copy, and its called harassment, and its NOT taken lightly.
I am so happy that you have kept printed copies of every piece of useless drivel I've ever posted on the internet like some paranoid conspiracy theorist. The environment thanks you too.
So unless you wanna be so busy trying to keep your son, and your family together, find a new hobby.
Test me, and find out.
CPS is a bitch to get out of, and you will BOTH piss dirty.
I know Chuck does heroin, and he has told me that you have too.
First: Chuck and I both have jobs that random test now, so what you call chicken is no longer on our menu. Our blood tests clean too, and hair tests would prove it has been awhile. Can you say the same?
Second: Who the hell can afford Heroin? I'm not saying we never did a line or 2 in the past, but it was years ago, in recreational levels, and gifted to us, not a regular thing. Seriously, have you ever seen a fat junkie?
So, the choice is yours. Im pretty sure, honestly, if Chuck or his dad knew u were doing this shit, itd be stopped or he'd leave your fat lazy sorry ass again.
Chuck is standing behind me, snickering at you.
I'm sure his dad would love to hear from you though, please call him and let him know.
Im so glad mines faithful, and DRUGFREE :)
Imaginary men are frequently perfect
Think about what I said, because I WILL do it, and I HAVE enough to do it according to my lawyer.
Rest Well, I know its hard to maneuver those walmart scooters.
All the other random capitalization and you dropped the ball on capitalizing and hyphenating Wal-Mart?
___________________________________________________________________
Then I got a lovely note from her friend LouLou Bunny. My response is below.
___________________________________________________________________
Reguarding your blog
I want to start by telling you that it must take one sick and unhappy individual to even make the remarks you did concerning anyones miscarriages. Sarah never tried to take your man he kept calling her and actually begged her not leave bloomington. Chuck told her that he was through with you and wanted to finally be happy... I guess he is still not because Sarah left even with Chuck begging her not to. So there he was left behind and had only you to go back to. She is a far better person than you would even know. My suggestion to you is that you need to stop acting so fucking childish I mean it's nobody's fault that you could not keep your man at home without him looking for happiness elsewhere. I happened to hear the conversations of Chuck telling her how unhappy he was with you. He honestly wanted to be with Sarah, that is not her fault he is unhappy with his marriage. Why else would Chuck bring her into his home while you were not there. GROW UP AND ACT YOUR AGE!!!!!! You are not a teen any longer my dear!!! There are plenty of good people that Love and Care for Sarah so you don't need to be acting like you know so much when you don't. If you have any problem with me writing this to you.... well to freaking bad get back with if you feel the need but you know what I am saying is true!!!!!!!
I don't know you, and I don't care what you think of me, but I'm bored, so I'll play the game
Yes, I am a sick sick bitch. I am not only thrilled that Sarah had a miscarriage, but I hope that every bad, horrible thing that could ever happen to her does.
I don't doubt that Chuck begged her to be with him. He hates to be alone, and he wouldn't want to lose a sure thing. But she befriended me on MySpace
and MyYearbook for the sole purpose of rejoicing in my anger and
sadness over the problems in my marriage. She had already won, if her
story holds water, but she still sent me an email suggesting I commit
suicide so they could be together. She still stirred up shit with other
people (my in-laws, Jen and Duane, etc) as a last ditch effort when she realized she was on her way out of the picture. She still threatened to
have her little band of "Pirate Hooker" whores kick my ass if I went to Roosters, or even to my job at the union. All of that was for naught,
if she was that confident he wanted her.
Little Miss "far better person" is a pretty sick bitch her own damn self
if she can do all that and still play the victim, dontcha think?
Congratulations on falling right into her trap though. She's not smart
enough to defend herself, so she has to get her little friends to do it for
her. Good for you on being her pawn on our little game.
Lastly, regardless (from you subject line) is spelled thusly.
Love,
Rachel
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