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So, we got out in the snow today, and it sucked. The sidewalks are gone, the road is sloshy, and it's fucking cold out. I have short legs so the huge unavoidable snowplowed piles are crotch-deep on me and it was a pain in the hiney to get anywhere. But, we saw fat squirrels and an even fatter cardinal at mom's work, we mailed off the Xbox to get repaired, we had a nice lunch at the Union, and we topped it off with a tumble in our heated bed..so it all worked out okay.
We just had pizza, Josh visited for awhile, and now Chuck is watching Man vs. Wild with the kiddos. It's been very pleasant hanging out with them, but I won't watch that show now that I know Bear Grylls named his newborn son Huckleberry.
Yes, Huckleberry.
Huckleberry Edward Jocelyne Grylls.
That poor child is going to have to study his father's show just to make it through middle school. Of course, he has an older brother named Marmaduke, so maybe it won't be so bad and then they can get together with Kal-El Cage and Banjo Griffiths and have a playdate.
Okay, the Sarah reference...since I know that's really why you came.
So, I was on my way to our heated bed, via my badass bathtub, and I was pondering the whole divorce thing, as usual. I was mentally listing his indiscretions for later use, when we talk about it, and I realized something that I need to put down on "paper" here so I can analyze it further later. I'll make it quick, since it's boring and then we can get onto talking about cupcakes, because they are so much happier.
Chuck has ejected himself from our relationship a million and a half times (roughly..LOL). He prefers to leave me so he's not actually "fucking around" on me.
He left me for Wendy the Waitress (I think her name was Wendy)after 1 day
He left me for Erin the Idiot after about 2 weeks
He left me for Tena the Crackwhore after 1.5 months
He left me for Bonnie the Hillbilly after about 3 months.
There's more, but you get the point, he fucks other bitches and leaves quickly.
Sarah, by her own account, fucked Chuck for over a year. He didn't leave me for her. He had plenty of chances. I was up in his shit all the time, We were at each others throats, I nearly booted him in May over the "Rochelle Incident" (he hadn't sealed the deal with that one yet, so he begged me to stay), I tried to beat him to death with a chair after he threw a vacuum at me, etc. and so on. If he'd left I wouldn't even have questioned why, but he didn't.
So, he broke up with me for the Waitress, the Crackwhore pulled it off, the Idiot managed to get him, the Hillbilly worked it out, fuck, even some nameless bitch at a Halloween party in '99 made him reconsider staying with me, but Sarah couldn't do it?
Why? She was obviously desperate enough. His sister told me about how she called out there 20 times a day, and she told Melissa all about how she was going to let him stay home and not work while she earned their living and took care of him and they were going to have kids, blahblahblah. His parents liked her, she was willing to bear his child, he'd never have to worry about her fucking around on him because she's not pretty, he wouldn't have to work. It should have been everything he ever dreamed of, but she couldn't pull it off? I don't get it.
Oh well, it's something to think about I guess.
Okay...Cupcakes!
I lovelovelove cupcakes, and they are so trendy right now that I see them everywhere, and everyone knows the bestest ones come from the Magnolia Bakery in NY.
I was appeasing myself with Duncan Hines box mixes and Cherry Frosting from a can until my cyber-friend, Pinky, sent me the actual Magnolia recipe. She says they come out just like the bakery ones, and she knows because she goes there frequently (Lucky Bitch...LOL) Anyway, I haven't made them yet (maybe tomorrow) but I thought I'd share the recipe with you in case you wanted to try it.
CupCakes:
* 1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
* 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
* 2 cups sugar
* 4 large eggs, at room temperature
* 1 cup milk
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* ICING: * Vanilla Buttercream (recipe follows) or Chocolate Buttercream
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Line two 12-cup muffin tins with cupcake papers.
3. In a small bowl, combine the flours. Set aside.
4. In a large bowl, on the medium speed of an electric mixer, cream the butter until smooth. Add the sugar gradually and beat until fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the dry ingredients in three parts, alternating with the milk and vanilla. With each addition, beat until the ingredients are incorporated but do not overbeat. Using a rubber spatula, scrape down the batter in the bowl to make sure the ingredients are well blended. Carefully spoon the batter into the cupcake liners, filling them about three-quarters full. Bake for 20–25 minutes, or until a cake tester inserted in the center of the cupcake comes out clean.
5. Cool the cupcakes in the tins for 15 minutes. Remove from the tins and cool completely on a wire rack before icing.
At the bakery we ice the cupcakes with either Vanilla Buttercream or
Chocolate Buttercream.
Note: If you would like to make a layer cake
instead of cupcakes, divide the batter between two 9-inch round cake
pans and bake the layers for 30-40 minutes.
Frosting:
The vanilla buttercream we use at the bakery is technically not a buttercream but actually an old-fashioned confectioners’ sugar and butter frosting. Be sure to beat the icing for the amount of time called for in the recipe to achieve the desired creamy texture. Makes enough for one 2-layer 9-inch cake or 2 dozen cupcakes*
* 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened
* 6 to 8 cups confectioners’ sugar
* 1/2 cup milk
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Place the butter in a large mixing bowl. Add 4 cups of the sugar and then the milk and vanilla. On the medium speed of an electric mixer, beat until smooth and creamy, about 3-5 minutes. Gradually add the remaining sugar, 1 cup at a time, beating well after each addition (about 2 minutes), until the icing is thick enough to be of good spreading consistency. You may not need to add all of the sugar. If desired, add a few drops of food coloring and mix thoroughly. (Use and store the icing at room temperature because icing will set if chilled.) Icing can be stored in an airtight container for up to 3 days.
*Note: If you are icing a 3-layer cake, use the following recipe proportions: 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter 8 to 10 cups confectioners’ sugar 3/4 cup milk 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
If you make them, drop me a line to let me know how yours came out.
Okay, Man vs. Wild is over, so I'm gonna go hang out with the family
What are you doing this weekend?
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